I can’t say there was anything easy about waking up this morning. I mean, it was really rough on me. When my alarm went off at 7:00 AM, I was confused as to what was going on. I felt so fragile and I also had a hard time getting out of bed without feeling dizzy. It was somewhere between feeling extremely hungover and waking up from a super dose of anesthesia. I realized this was the first time I hadn’t eaten a single thing for over 24 hours. It got to the point where I was second guessing if I was supposed to be drinking water or not.
I really didn’t know what to do to get my blood moving and to shake this bewilderment I was experiencing. It was my boyfriend’s birthday today and when I called him, I found myself cutting the conversation short because I was so backwards and stumbling over my words. I felt very discombobulated. He is very encouraging but is also concerned because I am borderline anemic.
To get myself going, I ran in place for a bit and then jumped in the shower hoping that the water splashing down on me would make me feel a little bit more normal and awake. It helped a bit, but when I had to walk outside, the sun felt extra bright and it was as though I was moving in slow motion. It really hit me how sluggish I was when I interacted with the salesperson at the electronics store. She was trying to explain to me why one product was better than the other and I found myself trying to concentrate on what she was saying, but none of it seemed to matter and truthfully, I just didn’t care.
I had a ton of things to do today and really wanted to be on top of my game. The friends I work with asked me about five times if I was hungry and what I wanted to do for lunch, quickly followed by, “Oh, I forgot, you’re fasting.” The longer I stayed in one place, the more shaky and insane I would feel. Then someone came in and said, “there’s pizza!” and I wanted to scream but didn’t have the energy.
I decided to look up the effects of short term food deprivation compared to those experiencing long term starvation. It was frightening to think about the people that haven’t eaten food for over A MONTH, longer than any of us volunteering to fast could ever endure. I looked at pictures of people who have died from complications due to starvation and others that were alive but suffering tremendously. Organ failure. Inability to fight disease. Reproductive problems. Depression. That victims of starvation are often too weak to sense thirst so they become dehydrated. Atrophy of the muscles. Hysteria. Sensitivity to noise. All of a sudden, my fatigue and craving for anything disappeared. I think I just became ill from the photos and disgusted by the fact that this is still going on right here on our planet.
I watched a video today called Darfurian Voices. There were two quotes that I wanted to share and end this journal entry with. To me, the voices of the people of Darfur represented the hope and patience of many who have suffered and witnessed this catastrophe. The quotes have been translated from Arabic:
A Darfurian man said
“Of course there is nothing impossible in the universe.”
A Darfurian woman said:
“With regards to the conflict, I’m not a politician or anything like that. And I’m not well informed of all the relevant issues. But my humble understanding is that the conflict is the result of injustice. There is injustice and inequality and there is the marginalization of the people of Darfur. Peace means security. Peace means stability. Peace is justice. Without them, there is no peace.”
I am taking on my third day of fasting tomorrow to share the hope and desire for peace of the Darfurian people and to let as many people I know be reminded of what is going on.